Holding on to Memories

What does is prophet you to hold onto memories of a marriage that is over. It's dead! Meaning there is no more growth/progress to evolve into something greater than before. You will not successfully go forward in your life, looking through the rear view mirror of your former marriage. Just use it as a learning experience for the next relationship so you know what to do to make it work. Make sure the next person you meet is compatible not just "a great person". This doesn't cut it. Just because some one's great doesn't mean they're right for you.

Divorce is painful, no doubt. Go through it; all the emotions of guilt, regret, etc. Get it out of your system for good. Cry, cry and continue to cry until you are all cried out. Tears are your liquid prayers. Do whatever you have to do within right reason to release and not suppress your feelings. Release is healing to your soul. Don't play like your fine with your family and friends, be honest. Deal with it now, so that you can heal properly and began to move forward to make you better for you.

Forgive and Let Go!

I wish divorce on no one. What I suggest is, don't get married unless you know for sure the other person is the one for you. Most people don't listen to this advice and I was one, but learned a valuable lesson, especially from the pain that came with making the wrong decision. If you've done the same and are headed for divorce, remember that you will not be free to go on if you don't forgive your (X)mate and yourself.

Don't fight-the battle is already over!

Is your mate doing everything in his/her power to drag you through a muddy divorce? Did you put your dukes up the fight back just as hard? STOP! It's not worth the pain and heartache. If divorce is the final decision of agreement, then get it over with. It's already painful. So, don't throw salt on the wounds and cause more pain, if you are the one being spiteful. If you are on the receiving end, don't ignite the fire by giving it fuel. What I mean is, don't react, it's better to not respond. It may be hard to do, but it takes two to fight.

Time for a Fresh Start!

Divorce isn't easy for anyone, especially when their are children involved. As soon as you can come to grips that it is really over and stop fighting a losing battle, then and only then can you have peace. First, make sure that you've done everything in your power to make your marriage work. This way you'll have no regrets in the future. Once you are sure, apologize to your mate, children and forgive. This begins the healing process, and you'll began to enter into a state of peace, focusing on still being active in your children's life if they aren't with you.

Now it's time for a fresh start! Begin to make changes that will make you a better person. Accept and appreciate where you are in life after divorce and begin some soul searching. Find out what will make you happy at this point and do it. Remember: you are ending something old and beginning a NEW YOU!

Let There Be Peace!

If you aren't able to work out your differences in your marriage and divorce is the agreement, let it be peace with the decision. I feel divorce it a terrible thing; it tears apart those involved. But if the marriage is causing stress, pain and aggravation, then have peace in cutting those ties and going your separate way.

No, don't attempt to make the other person's life miserable if you are no longer a significant part. Let go and move on with your life. There is a healing process that you both must go through, but don't do things to hurt the other person because you are still hurting. It takes time, but forgiveness will help you heal faster.

Divorce With Children

Divorce with children separates one parent. The children have to go with someone, but who? The sad thing is the mental and emotional distress we put our little ones/teens through because we aren't willing to be the right example to them in marriage. If divorce is the final result, it would be beneficial to the continuous growth of our children if we, although divided, can maintain a healthy relationship based on the best choices for them to progress under such extreme stress.

Being divorced for 11 years, my children have just recently began the healing process a few years ago. This was because my X husband and I couldn't come to a common ground on anything. It resulted in many challenges and even rebellious acts as a cry for help from our children. Their cry was ignored and our fight continued, not because I didn't desire the best, but my X wasn't in agreement.

Today, now he sees what selfishness has done to our family...and although I have forgiven him many years ago, the rebuilding of my relationship with my children took tears, pain and prayer.