End It Before You Go Through The Force!

What is Divorce? Look at the word Di=two, vorce=force; a forced division. How harsh is that. Before marriage takes place, we must really take notice if there is "ONE" vision or goal between the two involved. Some people are divorced before they get married. Why? How can two walk together unless they agree. The problem is many fail to look at the reality of it all, but base it on feelings. Loving someone isn't good enough, if your plans for the future seem to go in opposite directions. At this point you should love yourself and that person enough to let them go.

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You Can Work Together to Raise Your Children Right!

I had a challenge with my son last week. So, something I was able to do that a few years ago would have been impossible; call his father and talk to him about the situation. The point was for the both of us to work together although we aren't together, to keep our son on the right path. Besides, it shows our son that we can still get along for the purpose of making his life the best it can be without us being together. Yesterday my X called because he had a talk with our son. Then he put, DJ on the phone with me while he was standing there in his presence. At t his point there was no way for DJ to deny the situation that took place which displeased me. I thought that was very kind of my X to have compassion for my feelings concerning our son. We've come a long way and the best is yet to come.

Divorce and Agreement

What better way to raise a child after divorce than the two agree to be friends and put all the past behind. There's no bitterness, resentment or whatever animosity between the two or maybe just one who had a hard time letting go. No one wants to lose, but it's better to let go than work on something that's just not working. I know, I've been there, but have no regrets because I put my all into it. Just so happens that my all wasn't enough and so I knew it was over. I'm at such peace today with my new life, loving me and growing spiritually. I still have a wonderful relationship with my children and a great friendship with my X.

Be Truthful Through It All!

I had a conversation with my X that was so refreshing for the first time in over 11yrs. Although I was open and forgave him many years ago, there was some issues he carried that made our ending really hard especially with our children. Forgiveness is the key to first give you back your peace of mind and makes it easy to work together raising children the best way possible. I wasn't given that opportunity, although I desired it so much. Now both children who struggled so many years, are all grown up and it's too late to give them that. He see this now and regrets it. One thing I never did was put a negative image of him in my children's head, he did that himself. Today, they have their own opinion of him from what they've experienced. I have no regrets because the truth always outrun a lie any day and my relationship with my children is excellent.

Lack of Communication Will Destroy any Relationship!

Communication (open honesty) is one of the main reason relationships/marriages end. First and foremost, if your mate isn't your best friend, you are already in a doomed situation. You are both enemies in disguise. The person you decide to live your life with should be the one you can tell your deepest secrets and trust that he/she would never use that information against you. I know women who tell all their relationship/marital business to relatives, friends, etc. Then get advice, most of the time, from people who are not even an expert in that area. What I mean is if you are single or divorced and have not learned the secret to why it didn't work; thus learning the lesson, you are not QUALIFIED, to give advice. However, if you are sharing your experience to help someone avoid the pitfalls you've experienced, then great. It's funny, my X-husband called me to say after 11yrs. that our marriage didn't work because he didn't know how to communicate with me. He blamed himself. Although I forgave him a long time ago, I let him speak because at this point he needed to forgive himself and move on. The great thing about it is we are friends now. I'm such a divorce sport.

Are You Married 2 Your Husband & His Mama?

There is a saying that when you marry a man, you marry his mama. In some cases that is true...and you better believe that 99.9% of these marriages end in divorce, unless the man makes a conscious decision to detach from his mother. I'm not saying forget about her, no, not at all. I am saying, his mother should no longer be in the forefront of his life. She is no longer his immediate family, but now the wife is. ^{Genesis 2:24} Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. How will he become one with his wife, if he allows his mother to stand between them. Mother's do have a hard time letting go, and that's because they feel threatened that "this woman" is taken "my baby away from me"! Wake up mom's, with all due respect, he is NO LONGER your baby. Now, on the other side, the wife should respect his mother and be understanding, especially if he has a close relationship with her. If these women don't have their proper place in a man's life, divorce will surely be the end result!......Mama wins this fight! SMH!

Can We Be Friends!

Friendship after divorce is important. It proves that you can forgive and let go. When you have children, it's vital that two parents still agree to be there for them, no matter what. This teaches them a valuable lesson on forgiveness which is the doorway to peace, joy and a life of freedom. Freedom- not be held in bondage by bitterness because the marriage didn't work. This releases our children from the pressure of choosing sides, but this will only happen if one parent doesn't fill their head with negative thoughts of the other. It might be hard to do, but it's worth it for everyone's well being.

Get Over it First, Then Date!

REBOUND, REBOUND, REBOUND.....not a good idea! Once your divorced, get everything about that person out of your system before dating. Get rid of the pictures, the clothes, sheets or anything he/she may have bought you. If you don't, those things are memories that can have a strong hold on you and make it hard to let go. Throw everything away, except for valuables, sell them....LOL

You can't go forward looking in the rear view mirror of your past relationship. Release and let go, give yourself time to heal and get reacquainted with yourself. Figure out what you really desire this time so you don't make the same mistake twice.

Tell The Truth!

Tell your children the truth, when they are old enough to understand. Divorce effects just as much as it does you. They never expect the two people who they love so dearly and see as their security will ever separate. When this happens, they are torn apart. Yes, my children were, and more so my son. But, his father painted a picture of me that wasn't true, and when he was old enough to see for himself, the truth revealed itself. Now, my children and I have a beautiful relationship. We've were able to properly heal because the truth was revealed.

Divorced and Single

I've been divorced for over 11 yrs. and I'm still single. Not because I'm against marriage; marriage is wonderful if you are with the right mate. Unfortunately for me, although my X was a good person, he just wasn't the one for me and blinded by love, it took me many years to see that. So, now that I'm much wiser, when meeting men, I don't just see them for how "nice" they are, but for what we can contribute to each other in agreement to our goals for long term and not short term fulfillment. I now take my time! Certainly love is in my favor! But it takes more than love to make a relationship work!

Holding on to Memories

What does is prophet you to hold onto memories of a marriage that is over. It's dead! Meaning there is no more growth/progress to evolve into something greater than before. You will not successfully go forward in your life, looking through the rear view mirror of your former marriage. Just use it as a learning experience for the next relationship so you know what to do to make it work. Make sure the next person you meet is compatible not just "a great person". This doesn't cut it. Just because some one's great doesn't mean they're right for you.

Divorce is painful, no doubt. Go through it; all the emotions of guilt, regret, etc. Get it out of your system for good. Cry, cry and continue to cry until you are all cried out. Tears are your liquid prayers. Do whatever you have to do within right reason to release and not suppress your feelings. Release is healing to your soul. Don't play like your fine with your family and friends, be honest. Deal with it now, so that you can heal properly and began to move forward to make you better for you.

Forgive and Let Go!

I wish divorce on no one. What I suggest is, don't get married unless you know for sure the other person is the one for you. Most people don't listen to this advice and I was one, but learned a valuable lesson, especially from the pain that came with making the wrong decision. If you've done the same and are headed for divorce, remember that you will not be free to go on if you don't forgive your (X)mate and yourself.

Don't fight-the battle is already over!

Is your mate doing everything in his/her power to drag you through a muddy divorce? Did you put your dukes up the fight back just as hard? STOP! It's not worth the pain and heartache. If divorce is the final decision of agreement, then get it over with. It's already painful. So, don't throw salt on the wounds and cause more pain, if you are the one being spiteful. If you are on the receiving end, don't ignite the fire by giving it fuel. What I mean is, don't react, it's better to not respond. It may be hard to do, but it takes two to fight.

Time for a Fresh Start!

Divorce isn't easy for anyone, especially when their are children involved. As soon as you can come to grips that it is really over and stop fighting a losing battle, then and only then can you have peace. First, make sure that you've done everything in your power to make your marriage work. This way you'll have no regrets in the future. Once you are sure, apologize to your mate, children and forgive. This begins the healing process, and you'll began to enter into a state of peace, focusing on still being active in your children's life if they aren't with you.

Now it's time for a fresh start! Begin to make changes that will make you a better person. Accept and appreciate where you are in life after divorce and begin some soul searching. Find out what will make you happy at this point and do it. Remember: you are ending something old and beginning a NEW YOU!

Let There Be Peace!

If you aren't able to work out your differences in your marriage and divorce is the agreement, let it be peace with the decision. I feel divorce it a terrible thing; it tears apart those involved. But if the marriage is causing stress, pain and aggravation, then have peace in cutting those ties and going your separate way.

No, don't attempt to make the other person's life miserable if you are no longer a significant part. Let go and move on with your life. There is a healing process that you both must go through, but don't do things to hurt the other person because you are still hurting. It takes time, but forgiveness will help you heal faster.

Divorce With Children

Divorce with children separates one parent. The children have to go with someone, but who? The sad thing is the mental and emotional distress we put our little ones/teens through because we aren't willing to be the right example to them in marriage. If divorce is the final result, it would be beneficial to the continuous growth of our children if we, although divided, can maintain a healthy relationship based on the best choices for them to progress under such extreme stress.

Being divorced for 11 years, my children have just recently began the healing process a few years ago. This was because my X husband and I couldn't come to a common ground on anything. It resulted in many challenges and even rebellious acts as a cry for help from our children. Their cry was ignored and our fight continued, not because I didn't desire the best, but my X wasn't in agreement.

Today, now he sees what selfishness has done to our family...and although I have forgiven him many years ago, the rebuilding of my relationship with my children took tears, pain and prayer.

Di-vorce-Divided force

How can two walk together unless they agree. This only means that any relationship that isn't based on long term set goals of equal nature is already di-vorce; a divided force between two. A man and woman will never agree on everything, but their destiny should be set so both are fulfilled.

Avoid the Drama

I say divorce is the very, very last result to having done all you can do to save your marriage. But, for those who are considering marriage, don't take the decision lightly. If you have any doubts at all, don't go forward until you have peace within your heart that it is the right thing to do. Not just because you love someone-that doesn't cut it. Finances, communication and compatibility plays vital roles in living the rest of your life with someone. Make sure you are not making your decision based on emotions/feelings because they change.

It's better to not marry than to marry and divorce. Divorce is painful for all who are involved. So, love you and your partner enough to really listen to the truth from within-your heart, not your feelings.

Peace can come with Divorce!

My X-husband and I have been through a long grimy struggle since we've separated over 10yrs ago. This battle amongst us has done some emotional scarring concerning our children. Of course, I didn't want this because I knew it would take its toll on all of us, but it takes two to agree. Well, today I thank the most High because there is peace between us. Actually, he came to me open minded and we talked about what really happen to cause our marriage to fail. He apologized and I accepted. Now we can move forward in our lives with closure, no more burdens of the past to carry with us and still be friends. Besides our children still need both of us.

Words of Gratitude to my X

I had on my heart today to send my X-husband a nice email just expressing how grateful I am that he shared in the conception and birth of our son. Being a teenager, the age 16 yrs. young, it's a blessing that our genius son is living life on the right path. Divorce can many times result in a destructive lifestyle for children, especially when it happens when they are at a very young age and all they know is Dad and Mom as their support. Then separation happens and one parent is absent out of their lives forever in the way they once knew.

It was challenging in the beginning, but with the help of his grandparents, aunts and uncles, we were able to keep a positive grip on him in spite our decision to depart. And today, I have a wonderful relationship with my son. So, I decided to thank the one who help to make his life on this earth possible, his Father.

Why Divorce?

HMMM!

Why divorce? It happens when the two who have come together in agreement to be one has began to separate themselves in the thoughts, ideas and goals they first agreed upon. For us, my X and I, I wonder, did we ever really agree? Did we ever really take the time out to hear what the other goals in life were? Maybe we were we so wrapped up in the "emotion of love"/ the "emotion of lust" is more like it. Why? Love never dies/ends when two have found it in each other.